That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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