I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
