My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
