The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize