i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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