I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
