I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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