she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
