Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
