trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
