the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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