he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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