I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
