I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
