Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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