i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Randomize
