is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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