I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
