that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
