it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
