He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
