if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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