my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
