There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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