I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
