I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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