Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
