she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
