I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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