I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
