...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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