oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
