A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
