I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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