I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
whose ass print is on the piano?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
