Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
