And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
