Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
