Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
