how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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