well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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