Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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