wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
