Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm too high and old for this...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize