it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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