Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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