Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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