i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
