I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
