idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Let's get the cat blown out
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
