I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
