My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
