I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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