Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
