drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
