...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
