Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize