I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
