Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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