literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Randomize
