I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
