she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
