Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
