I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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