idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
